Welcome back to our Building Your Best IEP Goals series where we are exploring the wide world of IEP goals category by category, sharing ideas to serve as inspiration for individualized goals, and show some examples of how base goal ideas can translate into a specific measurable goal for a particular student. 

While there are lots of ways one could categorize different types of IEP goals, we are following the categories highlighted in our free IEP Goal Idea banks, which also go deeper into the process of individualizing goals. 

This week we are focusing on Social Skills, but you can also check out parts 1, 2, 3, 4 and 5 or download our goal banks directly from the shop if you already have your own individualization strategies! With all that in mind, let’s talk a little bit about Social Skills, why they are an important component of some IEPs, and how we can create goals that empower students to navigate social situations to the best of their ability rather than require them to adhere to specific social norms. 

Social skills are crucial tools in any person’s toolbox for navigating the world, expressing personal needs, and seeking out opportunities. Social situations can be highly subjective and difficult to practice in a consistent way, but being able to work on social skills across a variety of contexts can make a major difference in applying those skills in new situations. 

One other reality of social skills is that they intersect with social norms. Consequently some Social Skill related IEP goals may fall into the trap of enforcing specific social norms such as eye contact rather than working on skills that empower autistic students to make informed choices about how they wish to navigate the world. 

One way to double check on the goals you have written is to check out some of the subcategories we will highlight in this article, and to draw a connection between the individualized goal and the way it will specifically help the student in pursuing goals related to that category. 

As a quick reminder before we dive into goal suggestions and sample individualized goals, here is the broad template we use to individualize goal ideas: 

If you are interested in diving a little deeper into this topic you can find more on individualization cover it more closely in part 1 of this series and go into even more detail in each of our free goal banks! 

Our social skill categories cover practical skills, important personal values, and each individual being able to make informed decisions about how they want to navigate a given social situation given what they know about social norms and their personal comfort level. 

As always you may find some overlap between these categories, or that a skill in one category can contribute to success in another category. Because our end purpose is to customize these goals with an individual in mind, it makes perfect sense to adjust some of these existing goals to fit the context that makes the most sense to you and the student you are supporting. 

These sample goals are meant to be guideposts, areas where you can narrow your focus and more easily see the details that are unique to your student. The most important thing in the end is establishing goals that you, other stakeholders, and most importantly your student can get behind. 

Like many social skills, asking for help is a form of communication that may seem relatively straightforward on the surface but gets more complicated as you look into the specifics of various situations. The most effective way of asking for help can depend on what exactly we need or want, the urgency of the request, who is best positioned to help, and our expectations around the likelihood that the request will be fulfilled. 

On top of these often complicated social dynamics, sometimes it is just plain hard to say out loud to someone that we need help! “Asking for Help” IEP goals should help a student navigate the sometimes thorny path of requesting help and above all encourage and reward acts of self-advocacy. 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Identify own needs 

• Identify sensory needs, develop self-awareness of what to do when feeling overwhelmed or need to fill a sensory need, and select strategies to help reduce or increase access to support sensory needs (including select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help)
• Identify feelings (overwhelmed, excited, frustrated, anxious), develop self-awareness of what to do, select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help
• If feeling unwell, identify what feels that way, select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help

Ask for assistance 

• When stuck on work, task, or assignment, select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help
• When unsure of what to do next for work, task, or assignment select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help
• When working on specific goals, select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help

Ask for special favors 

• Has too much to carry around, asks for help to carry or problem solve
• If has too much on plate/to do, asks for help to complete tasks or problem solve

Requesting for assistance across a wide range of settings, skills, contexts, and with varying people 

• When struggling with people (they are being unkind, doing something that shouldn’t be done), determines who to and how to ask for help
• If accidentally left something (tech device, assignment, lunch) at home or elsewhere, determines who to and how to ask for help

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Ask for assistance - When stuck on work, task, or assignment, select strategies to determine who to and how to ask for help 

“By 10/15, given instruction and a reminder card from the instructor, Javier will request help on in-class worksheets in at least 50% of instances where he needs more than the allotted time to complete the assignment.”

Example 2: Requesting assistance across a wide range of settings, skills, contexts, and with varying people - When struggling with people, determining who to and how to ask for help 

“By 11/1, working together with the instructor, Emma will correctly identify at least 3 people in the school that she can talk to if she sees someone violate classroom safety rules.” 

Social skills related to boundaries are crucial both in terms of establishing what is crucial to your own comfort level and ensuring the comfort levels of others. Respecting boundaries can entail both listening to the person setting boundaries and stepping in when you notice someone else failing to respect them. 

Setting boundaries can entail a series of steps, from determining what is important to you to communicating it clearly to reminding others of your boundaries if they cross them. And like with other social skills, our approach to this question may depend on who we are talking to and exactly what kind of boundary we are communicating! 

One great way to approach individualization in this category is to start with some boundaries that are important to the student in question and working backward to see what types of skills might be most helpful in consistently establishing them. 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Setting boundaries 

• Identify needs for boundaries (sensory, feelings, sense of calm, personal space, decrease anxiety)
• Develop self-awareness of what to do to set a boundary regarding a need
• Select strategies to determine what kind of boundary, who the boundary is with, and how to communicate the boundary

Maintaining boundaries

• After a boundary is set, check-in on progress, review strategies, adjust as needed
• Remind others about boundaries if they may be crossed or already crossed
• Consistently maintain boundaries around a given need, activity, task, or person

Respecting boundaries

• Ask others to respect boundaries
• Listen to a boundary communicated by another person, reflect on the meaning, ask questions (if needed and is not too private) as to why, and select strategies to respect that person’s boundary
• If frequently close to breaking or are crossing another person’s boundary, reflect on actions, review the person’s reasoning for the boundary, and revisit, adjust, and select strategies to respect that person’s boundary

Asking and listening to boundaries set up 

• Wanting to sit or be alone, selecting a strategy to communicate a need while still being nice/positive
• Based on boundary goal, identify and select a way to ask for a boundary

Varying how boundaries are set with classmates, peers, family, teachers, adults, and strangers 

• Identify how given boundaries may be different across people, determine and select strategies based on a given person

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Asking and listening to boundaries set up - selecting a strategy to communicate a need while still being nice/positive 

“By 3/1, working together with an instructor or assistant, Melissa will identify 5 personal boundaries she might need to communicate during the school day and a method of initially communicating each boundary in a kind way.” 

Example 2: Varying how boundaries are set with classmates, peers, family, teachers, adults, and strangers - Identify how given boundaries may be different across people 

“By 10/15, working with an instructor, Tristan will identify a personal boundary that is important to him across a variety of settings and the different ways he might communicate that boundary depending on whether he is talking to a classmate, a friend, the instructor, other school staff, family, or strangers.” 

Conflict resolution certainly includes situations where we may be in an argument with someone, but conflict can also cover the differences in approach to various challenges or problems that arise in a team setting or spotting the potential for conflict in situations where it may be possible to avoid it. 

Likewise the way we resolve conflicts can vary greatly depending on who we are talking to and how well we know them. If a skill relates to the natural tensions that can sometimes arise between people who work together day to day, then there’s a good chance it fits under conflict resolution! 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Identify and describe conflict 

• Identify root of the conflict and conflicting needs between all involved
• Develop self-awareness of own needs within the conflict and how to meet own needs
• Reflect on needs from other person/people involved 

Problem solving and finding solutions across a variety of settings and contexts 

• Set time and meet with others to problem solve
• Listen to needs and concerns from the other person/people involved
  Communicate own needs and concerns
• Create a list of solutions to the problem (separately and then together, or all together)
• Work through the list of solutions, identify what works/what doesn’t work
  Understand that all involved may have to compromise on something
• Work together to reach an agreement on a solution
• Make sure to continue to communicate own needs and concerns while listening and taking in the other person/people’s needs and concerns

Social reasoning 

• Learn about own nonverbal and verbal cues, develop self-awareness around showing emotions, feelings, and communication
• Reflect and make inferences about others’ intentions and actions
• Learn how people may show nonverbal cues that do not match their emotions, feelings, communication, and actions
• Incorporate context into inferences about others’ intentions and actions
   

Navigating and resolving conflicts across a varying range of people (including acquaintances, strangers, systems, friends/family 

• Identify how conflicts are resolved differently across people, determine strategies
   

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Identify and describe conflict - Identify root of conflict and conflicting needs between all involved 

“By 5/1, given prompting and assistance from instructor, Marcus will in at least 75% of instances where he has a disagreement with another student fill out our Perspectives form which will include a description of his point of view, the point of view of the person he disagreed with, and how the disagreement was resolved.” 

Example 2: Problem solving and finding solutions across a variety of settings and contexts - Work together to reach an agreement on a solution 

“By 10/15 as part of her group project, Kennedy will come to a shared agreement with the rest of the group about their plan to complete the project, including how to divide work and responsibilities between each group member.” 

Empathy is all about the connections we build with others, both the way we show empathy for them and the way that we receive empathy when it is offered to us. Empathy is one way we can come to understand and accept differences between ourselves and people we share community with, and it is often necessary for navigating both big and small social situations. 

Empathy can be as basic as acknowledging that someone has a lot on their plate and may not be able to answer your question right away or as complex as knowing that someone is going through a hard time and navigating how best to support them. If we are putting in an effort to consider another person’s situation or trying to help someone understand our own, then there’s a good chance we are working on an empathy skill! 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Build connection with others 

• Identify own needs and feelings around a given situation
• Identify others’ needs and feelings around a given situation
• Learn about others’ needs, feelings, priorities, and experiences

Apply and show empathy with others 

• Offer to others in need aligned to what they may need help with
• In a given situation, infer how another person may feel or act, acknowledge unknown variables
• When something is harder for another person, be patient, identify, and select strategies to support them
• Give space to others for them to share their feelings in their preferred way (right away, later, time to process)
• If needed, apologize based on actions, what feelings they have caused, and validate other person’s feelings
• If there is a problem or the other person is showing unexpected emotions or actions, identify and determine strategies to ask about what is happening and how to support them

Receive empathy from others 

• Receive help and assistance from others based on a need
• Communicate boundaries as needed and if they apply
• Listen to apologies and reflect on others’ actions, share feelings based on those actions

Differences in empathy from classmates, adults, teachers, and others 

• Identify how empathy looks and is shown differently across people, determine strategies as needed
• Determine strategies based on person, context, and event

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Build connection with others - Identify others’ needs and feelings around a given situation 

“By 11/1, Thomas will participate in at least two group discussions on a topic related to current events and make note of at least three opinions or feelings expressed by group members per discussion.” 

Example 2: Receive empathy from others - Communicate boundaries as needed and if they apply 

“By 10/15, with assistance from the instructor, Desiree will create scripts to help her describe her boundaries around feeling overwhelmed by a conversation, sensory inputs, and personal space.” 

If empathy is all about making connections with others to better understand our differences, respect is all about acknowledging those differences and treating them as both valid and important. As crucial as empathy can be to understanding why we show respect in various circumstances, respect is how we demonstrate that we care and that the feelings and experiences of others are important to us. 

If a skill relates to the ways we demonstrate that we can coexist in a space and acknowledge and celebrate our differences, then there’s a good chance it can fit under the category of respect! 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Give respect to others 

• Demonstrate respect to others during games and activities
• Demonstrate respect to others’ property, things, materials
• Problem solve what to do if something accidentally/unknowingly happens or disrespectful to others’ property, things, materials

Ask for respect for yourself and others 

• Identify what respect from others to you looks like, signs that they are being respectful
• Determine strategies to ask for respect if needed and others are not showing it
• Understand why others may accidentally or unknowingly disrespect us and identify strategies to ask for respect or not based on a given situation

Understand and honor all types of differences from others 

• Learn about and identify differences from others and how you can respect their differences (cultural, linguistic, holidays, norms, communication needs)
• Determine strategies to demonstrate respect to others’ differences
  Listen to feedback and adjust as needed to demonstrate respect

Regard others’ wishes, requests, rights, and abilities 

• Identify behaviors that show respect but have a hard time with, determine strategies to still show respect
• Develop and select solutions to respect others’ requests after a problem arises

Differences in giving and receiving respect from classmates, adults, teachers, and others 

• Identify how respect looks and is shown differently across people, determine strategies as needed
• Identify how respect looks and is shown similarly across everyone
• Determine strategies based on person, context, and event

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Give respect to others - Demonstrate respect to others during games an activities 

“By 12/1, over the course of at least 4 game sessions, Suzanne will follow the procedures and rules being set by the game played with fewer than 5 instances of interrupting other players during their turn per game in at least 75% of sessions.” 

Example 2: Ask for respect for yourself and others - Identify what respect from others to you looks like, signs that they are being respectful
 

“By 3/1, with assistance from the instructor, Dennis will create a list of at least 5 ways people act that make him feel respected, as well as scripts for what to say when people are not showing him respect in those ways.” 

Social opportunities can run the gamut of situations in which socializing will feature, from team or group projects to facilitated groups to extracurricular activities. In the context of IEP goals, skills that fall under the social opportunities category are more likely to tie into specific school related social activities, in part because those are more controlled environments in which skills can be practiced and in part because that is where an instructor will have the opportunity to assist and follow progress as needed. 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Extracurricular activities 

• Create a list of extracurricular activities of interest based on interests, schedule, supportive people (clubs, sports, clubs based on interests)
• Select from the list to try out or attend
• Make a plan to attend, including coordinating schedule, setting up reminders, and potentially going with a peer/leader of the group

Within classroom setting 

• Groupwork (from small activities to larger projects)
  • Choose group members, meet with group, delegate tasks, volunteer to support related to a task, identify goals with the group, make a checklist or task list and list of roles each group member will complete, reflect on groupwork activities and identify what worked well and what to work on next time
• Partner work (from small activities to larger projects)
  • Partner based on supplementary or complementary needs (social, independence, academics, specific academic skills)
  • Pair with peer with similar interests
  • Meet with group, delegate tasks, volunteer to support related to a task, identify goals with the group, make a checklist or task list and list of roles each group member will complete, reflect on groupwork activities and identify what worked well and what to work on next time

Facilitated groups 

• Lunch Bunch or other group of peers that meets on a frequent (at least once a week) and consistent basis
• Peer Partners
  • Paired with peer with similar interests inside and outside of class

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Extracurricular activities - Create a list of extracurricular activities of interest based on personal interests, schedule, and supportive people 

“By 10/1, with assistance from the instructor, Chloe will identify at least 5 extracurricular activities that interest her with two reasons why she thinks she will enjoy each one, and then select at least one activity to participate in after school.” 

Example 2: Within classroom setting - partner based on supplementary or complementary needs
 

“By 4/15, with assistance from partner and instructor, Tony will complete a worksheet with his study partner that lists each individual’s strengths as well as a list of the types of tasks each are best at in a partnered project setting.” 

Social interaction skills are all about how we connect with others, and crucially how we decide to navigate the process of connecting with others based on what we know about the world. One crucial distinction that any teacher must consider when creating goals under this category is whether we are empowering students with the knowledge to make decisions about which way of navigating is best for them or simply reinforcing social norms in a way that discourages a student from being themselves. 

Ultimately, hammering allistic social norms can hurt a person’s sense of self and often does not even do a great job of explaining the why. More productive social interaction related goals can involve developing self-awareness of preferred social communication, accepting differences, sharing opinions, exchanging informations, and setting and acting based upon personal goals. 

Sample goal ideas and subcategories:

Connect with others 

• Spend more time around peers in partner, group, or larger group settings
• Choose more social opportunities to participate in across the course of the day 
• Find and spend time with a group or club based on common interests

Develop self-awareness of preferred social communication 

• Develop self-awareness of own social communication style
• Learn about preferences, comfortable topics, interests
• Identify potential areas to work on, challenges, and needs
• Reflect on recent social experiences, check-in, and identify next steps

Accept differences 

• Learn about differences in social communication styles across neurodiversity, disability, culture, linguistics amongst peers
• Identify strategies to support one’s own understanding if there is a difference
• Acknowledge and navigate differences in opinion

Share opinions 

• Become more comfortable sharing opinions and/or ways to share opinions given a particular situation and context

Exchange information 

• Learn and experience how exchanges in conversation are different from person to person

Set goals 

• Identify situations that are safe/unsafe to unmask and spaces to seek out
• Get more comfortable listening to others talk about their interests at length
• Learn about a variety of communication styles and decide whether or not to incorporate them, why they may be used, and others’ goals around social communication 

Individualizing goal ideas:

Example 1: Develop self-awareness of preferred social communication - Develop self-awareness of own communication style 

“By 12/1, with assistance from the instructor, Darren will write a description of his personal ‘social style’ outlining the way he likes to communicate, as well as a list of pet peeves related to communicating that he either does not like or wishes he understood better.” 

Example 2: Accept differences - Identify strategies for supporting one’s own understanding if there is a difference
 

“By 10/15, with support from the instructor, Marcia will create a script helping her explain why she has trouble with eye contact that she can use when an adult asks her why she is not making eye contact.” 

Cultivating and growing social skills as a teacher involves an important balance between building student awareness of the dynamics of navigating social settings while also empowering students to know that they have choices in how they wish to navigate based on their needs, preferences, and goals. The more our goals focus on centering student preferences and creating safe opportunities to practice social skills, the more we can build on skills that empower student autonomy and growth into adulthood. 

We have made it almost all the way through our list of IEP Goal Bank categories and will be wrapping up next week with a closer look at Self-Advocacy goals. In the meantime if there are other IEP goal related topics you’d like to hear about or an IEP related experience you’d like to share then we’d love to hear from you! Just drop us a line at hello@autismgrownup.com and we will be back with part 7 next Monday!