Welcome back to our Household Chores Series, where we have been discussing the different types of household chore skills that are important for independent living and identifying how we want to prioritize both our chores and what we choose to practice. 

In Part 1 we listed out some common household chores that commonly come up in independent living situations and in Part 2 we went over some strategies for setting priorities. In Part 3 we are focusing on parents and caregivers and how we might approach teaching these skills to the Autistic person or people we are supporting.

Household chores are about more than simply learning the steps to complete the task. It is about building a routine and or schedule that both feels sustainable and helps you maintain the items or spaces that our chores are supposed to help keep clean and functional. 

For those who have goals of partial or completely independent living, learning some or all of those chores and finding the right system for them is a crucial step that can take time to internalize and practice, and it can be hard to know where to start getting the ball rolling. So let’s look at some steps we can take!

The first step worth considering when approaching a new store is demonstration. 

As we are introducing a particular responsibility, asking the person we are supporting to be with us as we complete a particular task is both taking the initial step of asking for commitment to this chore and giving them the opportunity to observe how it is done as often as they need before trying it themselves. 

Instead of taking separate time to do a special demonstration, incorporating the learning process into your routine early can pay dividends down the line in building a new routine that works for the person who is learning.

Once they have taken the time they need to observe and absorb the practical steps of completing the chore in question, a great next step is to work on it together, with an initial eye toward you taking the lead. If the person you are supporting is succeeding right away and you’re only slowing them down then feel free to make this a very brief step! 

The purpose of starting by leading is to make sure those gaps are filled and ensure that the environment feels safe and under control as they start practicing different components of the task. Over time you can take turns doing different parts of the task, or each do the whole task but sharing the workload. The important thing is getting practice and getting used to doing!

Once we have reached the point that you taking the lead feels like it is more constraining than supportive, it is time to shift and let them take the lead while being ready to step in and help if needed. 

Here the person we are supporting is doing what they would be doing if they were doing the chore independently - the only difference is our knowledge that it’s still a safe practice environment where it’s OK to make mistakes or forget what to do or ask for help and easy to do so right away. 

This is another step that we might stick to for a while - remember that the purpose of this whole exercise is to practice independent living skills rather than take care of a specific chore in your household, so be prepared to take extra time with this or any other step if needed.

As we work on the practical working memory components of chores, the part where we incorporate it into our routine might seem like it’s still around the corner. But it’s something we can work on the whole time by practicing our chores on a consistent schedule. 

That’s why we recommend inviting the person you are supporting to do chores with you rather than do a special demonstration. The more we get accustomed to treating chores as part of our schedule, the easier it is to keep it up when we do it on our own.

While one component of executive functioning around chores is getting used to the idea of doing certain tasks regularly, another is setting up systems that help us remember what we need to do and when. 

For the people we are supporting who are just getting used to finding their own organization systems, starting out by visualizing the chore schedule and in particular the chores they are practicing, along with the day and time they are typically expected to happen, is a great starting point for introducing the types of tools that help us maintain our executive functioning abilities.

Once the person you are supporting is confident with the chore you are working on and doesn’t find themselves regularly asking you for help, the next step is to make that chore an independent responsibility! 

Whereas in the past you might have been very involved at every step to make sure the person you are supporting has all they need, this is the point at which we need to pivot to being more hands-off and letting the person we are supporting build up their style and system. 

Rather than being ready to intervene at any moment we need to focus on results, and letting the person we are supporting come to us if there is a problem they need help with. While this step can be a little nerve-inducing in your own household, it is also everything you have been working toward! The person you are supporting will be glad to have those tools when they are living partially or fully independently.

There is so much to learn in the process of transition to adulthood and it can feel like we don’t have enough time for it all. We hope this post has offered a basic picture of what the process can look like, and also emphasized that it is a process that’s not linear or predictable or something that can be fast tracked. 

We can do the best we can based on what we need and what is possible right now, celebrate our progress as it happens, and move forward from there.

Next time we are going to close out the series by pivoting our focus to Autistic self-advocates who want to practice household chore related skills on their own. 

In the meantime if you have an experience you’d like to share about learning to be independent with a particular chore or building a system around it then we would love to hear from you! Just drop us a line at hello@autismgrownup.com and tune in next time for part 4.